How to Get Out of Your Own Way
5 powerful lessons from The Inner Game of Tennis we can apply to any craft
Last week, on the jiu-jitsu mat — a sport I've dedicated myself to for the past eighteen months — I had a particularly rough day. As our instructor introduced a new technique, my attempts to master it seemed increasingly counterproductive: the harder I tried, the worse I performed. My mounting frustration gave way to a crucial realization: my intense focus on perfection was likely hindering my progress. Taking a deep breath, I did my best to let go of all my anxieties about performance and results, anchoring myself in the present moment.
This tactic is one I learned from The Inner Game of Tennis, a the classic book that offers profound insights not only into the game of tennis, but also the psychology of learning and performance in general. Out of all the sports and performance books I've ever read, it's the one that's stuck with me the most.
Despite the title, the book is about much more than just tennis; its core principles transcend the sport, highlighting the mental aspects of performance in anything we do. Whether on the tennis court, the jiu-jitsu mat, while mastering a musical instrument, or in our pursuits as writers, speakers, entrepreneurs, or chefs, the lessons are universally relevant. At the core of the book is a message about the importance of trusting ourselves and one about our potential: we all have a lot of it, and we can realize more of it if we'd just get out of our own way.
Here are five of the most powerful lessons from the book you can use to apply to your own craft, project, or life pursuit:
1. Lead with intiution
At the heart of Gallwey's teachings is the dynamic between our two inner selves. Self 1 is our analytical mind, rich with judgments and doubt. In contrast, Self 2 embodies our instinctual abilities and natural talents, ready to react or adapt to any situation.
Gallwey's core message is clear: we often undermine our own abilities by not trusting in our Self 2. Instead, we let the critical voice of Self 1 hinder our performance with over-analysis and doubt.
For me, this was evident on the jiu-jitsu mat. Allowing Self 1 to overpower my actions with constant critique stymied the innate reactions and flow of my Self 2. And it's not just in martial arts; this struggle between overthinking and intuition is something many of us grapple with in various facets of life.
Remember: Overanalysis breeds hesitation and mistakes. Strive for a state of relaxed awareness. Let your mind remain sharp without becoming overly critical, and allow your natural instincts to guide your actions.
2. Stop judging yourself so harshly
Our performance in many pursuits — in sports, arts, or any task—often suffers under the weight of our own judgment. Constant self-evaluation not only robs us of confidence and the joy of the pursuit, but can also undermine our capabilities.
It's natural to label actions as 'good' or 'bad .'However, these labels cultivate self-consciousness, increasing mental tension and obstructing our path to a state of flow — that zone where we perform optimally with minimal conscious interference.
Consider jiu-jitsu: instead of qualifying every move as a success or failure, it's more productive to simply observe. What can you learn from that last move? What can be adjusted? Gallwey champions this non-judgmental approach, emphasizing its power to enhance calmness and diminish performance anxiety.
3. Coach yourself with compassion
The way we talk to ourselves has a profound impact on our performance and well-being. Do you talk to yourself like a drillmaster, constantly judging every action you take? Although we all need a little tough love sometimes, too much negativity can be counterproductive and lead to feelings of defeat that can cause many of us to give up.
Become aware of your inner dialogue and recognize when the critical voice of Self 1 threatens to dominate. Instead of succumbing to self-doubt or harsh judgment, imagine guiding yourself as a compassionate coach — with a balanced mix of encouragement, understanding, and constructive feedback. This approach, characterized by motivation and encouragement with occasional gentle corrections, is far more effective than continuous self-reproach.
For a deeper dive into mastering your inner dialogue, I highly recommend Ethan Kross's book, Chatter.
4. Focus on the process
In both tennis and jiu-jitsu, the allure often lies in victory or in the perfect execution of a move. Yet, any seasoned practitioner will tell you that the true joy of these sports emerges from the journey — the nuances of each move, the bonds formed during training, and the resilience forged in challenging moments.
While it may feel counterintuitive, a surefire way to increase performance is to value the journey more than the destination. Instead of focusing solely on results, immerse yourself in the experience. Pay attention to the intricacies of each technique and the continuous cycle of learning and refining. This approach doesn't just make the journey more fulfilling; it's also the doorway to entering a state of flow, where performance peaks and every action feels effortless and instinctive.
5. Accept that mistakes are part of learning
Children offer the best lessons in learning — uninhibited by the fear of mistakes, they experiment, stumble, and rise again. As adults, we often forget this natural cycle of growth. Remember: errors aren't setbacks but essential parts of progress. Embrace them, learn from them, and you'll find yourself improving at a more rapid pace.
What's truly fascinating is how honing these mental skills in pursuits like tennis or jiu-jitsu primes us to deploy them across all facets of life. Gallwey puts it aptly:
"It is interesting to note that if, while learning tennis, you begin to learn how to focus your attention and how to trust in yourself, you have learned something far more valuable than how to hit a forceful backhand. The backhand can be used to advantage only on a tennis court, but the skill of mastering the art of effortless concentration is invaluable in whatever you set your mind to."
When I reflect upon my journey in jiu-jitsu, I see it as a metaphor for life's broader challenges. As Gallwey shows, the frustrations, the quest for perfection, and the inevitable hurdles aren't confined to the tennis court or martial arts mat. They parallel the challenges we navigate daily — whether in mastering a craft, growing professionally, or developing personally.
Each setback, error, or moment of doubt on the mat mirrors those we face in life. But they also present an opportunity — a chance to pause, take a deep breath, and center ourselves. These moments offer us a vital lesson: to trust ourselves, to focus on the journey, and to let go of crippling self-judgment.
Only then can we truly get out of our own way.